Apr 28, 2005

THE BICE MAN COMETH

Last night the nation spoke, and what they said was:
"Hey Maroules, GO HOME!"


Wannabe.

The irony of Maroulis' downfall was that he tanked it on Tuesday by singing my karaoke staple: How You Remind Me by the great:



While I applaud his song selection, he did a pretty poor job of it, completely forgetting to do the thumbs-up/finger wagging actions in the "yeah, yeah, yeah...oh no" part. And at this stage of the game, when the stakes are this high and all the chips are down, one mistake can cost you.....


EVERYTHING!

So boo-hoo for the Maroulis fans, and "Bo! Woo!" for the Bice-Brats (that is what the on-line Bice community refer to themselves/ourselves as). The nation is waking up to the rocking ways of the Biceman, and ain't nobody going to get in his way!

Not Anthony Federov, or Carrie Underwood. And definitely not Scott Savol:



He looks like a teddy-bear, the fans love him, but guess what?


I got arrested!

So that's it, Bo is a lock for the finals. Is it going to be easy? Yes it is. Is it going to take hard work? Some, probably.

And is it going to ROCK? You can bet your sweet ass!


Rock on Biceman, rock on.

Apr 20, 2005

Parking-Lot Farm

They are building a farm in the parking-lot behind my apartment building. They are bringing in chickens and cows and piggies. There will be hens and roosters snuggled up in the hen-house: "Coo coo" they will shout! "Coo coo" at the crack of dawn to wake the sleeping residents!

The bunnies will till the fields and dust the crops while the chickens pick gravel and bits of broken glass from their webbed toes. The resilient owl will harvest the wheat as the goats and horses bray and chew weeds from the cracked pavement. The softs scents of baking bread will rise from the chimney of the badgers shed, as he readies himself for the roadside sale. "Hello" he will shout, his window ajar, "hello and come to the sale".

The sad pigs will suckle the spewing exhaust pipe from my landlords car, thinking it is the teat of their mama. The sun will rise and set on the farm, with the busy workers ploughing and working long into the night to keep their fledgling enterprise afloat. Everyone working together. Everyone doing their part, even me.

Apr 13, 2005

BO BICE FANHOME

There are two guys on this year's American Idol who have come to be referred to as "THE ROCKERS". One guy is called Constantine Maroulis, and looks like this:


HeartThrob.

Believe me, I know, but the even more awesome part is that the OTHER guy's actual name is BO BICE, and Bo Bice looks like this:


Rocker.

Some of the awesome things that BO BICE can do:

1. When he sings he carries the whole mic-stand around the stage with him like he doesn't know it's detachable, and wears wicked outfits that look like they were torn off the front steps of Jarvis circa 1995:



2. When they were told the theme for week two was "Songs from the 70's" Bo chimed in with "Can they be rock?". Seacrest understood, a rocker needs to rock.



3. Even Cowell likes this dude. After rocking Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle Cowell said Bo is the only one that doesn't feel like a contestant. And that Simon can be a real cantankerous crank!



4. Among the other songs Bo has rocked, my faves would have to be Spinning Wheel, Drift Away, and Whipping Post. He brought the house down last night with a roaring rendition of Freebird, to which a drunken Paula Abdul responded "Bo, you are in this to win it. You could have a hit with that song".


Could be a hit.


So the only question remaining is... which rocker will rock his way into the finals:


Constantine or Bo?

The popular vote is Maroulis, but my money's on Bice.

Then again I still have a closet full of Justin Guarini T-shirts and that "Claymate of the Year" tatoo on my back, so who knows...


AI4E!

Apr 7, 2005

Since You've Been Gone

Hey Gang!


Guess Who's Back!
Back Again!
Bloggie's Back!
Tell Your Friends!

I missed you. I say I missed you like this: RST-VW (pronounced "wrist-voo"). It sounds like a dog saying "missed you" and it is a delicious little word game! YUM/YUP!

I am sorry to have left all of you netizens hanging while I was sleeping at the wheel, with that stupid LEO-GEO Bad Dudes picture to stare at. It has been a weird* couple of weeks (it has been a month) since I bloggered - with this changing weather, day-light savings and all the rest - but you can take comfort in the fact that while i haven't actually written anything on my blog I have thought about blogging several times. Among the considered blog ideas that were tossed out like a dirty adult diaper were:


- changing the whole blog theme to a Kelly Clarkson Fanhome, with all kinds of bells and whistles (see: photoshopped pictures of K.C holding hands with Leo, a symbolic passing of the torch).

- a report with pictures of my snowboarding trip with Jules, which was excellent. In the end I decided to keep the fond memories to myself. No offense to you guys, but there just wasn't much Leo talk on the trip.


- a copy of the angry letter I wrote to CNN last week chastising them for listing an "Exotic SI Swimsuit Gallery" as a sports headline every fricking day for the past two months. There are room for two headlines and one of them every day is a swimsuit gallery. Today the headlines are: • Rain delays Masters start and • Exotic SI Swimsuit Gallery: Venus Williams. Shameless.

- the life story of our buddy Terrence - from details of his wild younger days to the real reason he is not getting his Tracks newsletter or E-News announcement. there would be a Q and A with the man himself, and an in-depth analysis of how he got to be so insanely fucking cute/bummed out.


- one that i actually wrote out part of that was mostly about how fricking awesome R.V's are that followed into outlining the awesome ways that I would deliver mail if I was a postman (as I don't dig dogs). The ways included: tank, t-shirt launcher from raps games, mind teleportation, brontosaurus. etc.

- responding to the one lonely question I got in response to my open season on all Leo related inquiries. I am sorry to "Pat" for not filling you in, though I promise to in future installments.

So as you can see, the ideas have been there, it is just the effort that has been amiss.

WHATS THAT TERRENCE?
T: So with all those discarded ideas, you must have something pretty special for us today?
M: Well Terrence, that kind of depends on whether or not you think A LEONARDO DICAPRIO WORD SEARCH IS SPECIAL! Holy shit is right little T, you can do the search on the screen, or print that mother off for hours of Leo bliss...

SOMEONE: Hey Marto..
ME: Uh, yeah, who's there?
LEO: It's me, Leo..
ME: Oh hey Leo, what's up?
LEO: I love you.
ME: I know Leo, I know.






Leo Fanhome Word Search

ELPANETWPVIAEBRRIDERRTNOB
RREEATEEAHITMETAEIWTSEBET
DMODNNAWAMEDOSEEGNNSRUOEE
RIEEEVVIRLLGEVRAGAAONIPTE
NAIPCTIATPBKAPIHEDRSELREC
AIAASDRRBUNABSADOTNAIOEAR
BRVRETGAOMNAHOERHTREBREDN
GOSLEPCNONPPOCSITABERVIOS
REDHHTAPSEMIAMACMEVSBETER
NOMIGEEONACETINEAADGDLNNL
TNPOAOEHERPINANTBRTGOAIIW
AOOASRSBEREOSTOSEBENDPNGA
TNRINDILECDCSSEISSIIRNRAB
CSMDENNEERTAGLLNCEEBAAWBA
USWSIOGASITEGETEOTHTAEORK
ERLAECAGHSLTBOVAEOLAHNITO
BNIEEAADRLTVEBARNRAIEEHDI
RTIAAEAPAOBGELRLPGHABARLE
CSEBTEABRMWSAEEAEOBNIAMIA
TIHENETHSININOOWALOLNDOVL
RRDBOEIROAOCNEEGERAOTSIWP
RPDIKMNNTTEANGSKDNEHOAOSL
BUESNLEKTRTNABNIDLNLTTRAH
ENANADADRNIIRMDOATEOERNTE
ABATSDOWSLCIEEVRESRGGLGRS


WORD LIST:
- Leonardo -Gilbert -Grape -Hottie -Dicaprio -Beach -Aviator -Departed -Basketball -Diaries ---Boneable -Handsome -Terrence -Environment -Oscar -Snub -RSTVW -Thailand -Growing ----Pains






*weird doesn't follow the i before e rule, isn't that weird? That's how I remember how to spell "weird".