KITTY CAT CHITTY CHAT

Howdy pardners, welcome back to Cat Country. Sorry for the lag between posts, but it's hard to concentrate on blogging when your cat is as cute as mine!


C/h/at.

While it may be a dod-eat-dog world out there, it is also a cat-is-cute world! Just last night my cat caught a mouse, only problem is, it was my computer mouse!


Good.

Now, as you may or may not have noticed, you can use the letters in "cat" to spell "act", and boy can they ever!

I once wrote a play and acted it out with my cat Pookie. It went like this:

Me: Fine weather for golf, wouldn't you say Pookie?
Pookie: It most certainly is Marty, what say we shoot a quick nine holes?
Me: I meant fine weather for watching golf!
Pookie: I know Marty, when I said "shoot" I really meant "watch"!
Me and Pookie: (laughing).


Fore!

But cat's are not all fun and games. There is one problem with cats:


A cat will scratch a chair.

But don't get mad, this is just because of a cat's nature. And if they didn't have this nature, they wouldn't be so cute. That's the way I look at it!

Till next time, cat-lovers!

Bauer to the People

I finished season one of Twenty-Four on Saturday afternoon (while nursing the throat parasite that seems to have overtaken my CNS - that's doc talk, I learned it on ER) and have come to three conclusions:

1. Jack Bauer is the coolest human-being/Dad ever born onto the planet earth. No not cooler than Leo, Leo's not a Dad. Apples and Oranges people.
2. Anyone not watching this show is doing the entertainment equivalent of giving themself a wedgie.
3. If they re-made Speed and put Jack Bauer in the place of Jack Traven (Keanu) it would be far and away the best movie ever made. It would be a lot like On the Waterfront , only better.

In light of these revelations I decided to pitch my own show. It is not totally fleshed out yet, but I am thinking along the lines of a fast-paced, edge of your seat thrill-ride kind of thing. Or maybe more of a white-knuckle nail-biter guaranteed to keep you crawling back for more. In any event, I call it:


The pink symbolizes danger, of course.

I don't mean to be a braggadocio or anything, but Joel Siegel may or may not have called it "The greatest man-made action-drama since The John Larroquette Show".

A few highlights from Season One:

7:15 - Bed

Marty slams the Snooze button. Crime can wait, but for how long?

10:55 - The Couch

Almost time to watch The View. But who is the guest today? The tension is palpable.

3:18 - The big house.

"You bet your ass it was you cute little dude! And don't talk back to me, criminal!"

5:48 - Shoppers Drug Mart

Marty just isn't sold on the merits of 2 in 1 Shampoo and Conditioner.

10:34 - Kitchen

Enjoying some soup. Can't busts crooks on an empty stomach.

12:53 - Dreamland

Marty dreams that it is morning and then wakes up and thinks it is time to fight more crime. Then he looks at the clock: 12:53. What a relief!



I am still working on the theme song. The last version I tried turned out sounding just like the intro to Soap. What can you do, hey Leo?

LEO: Hey.

Improv Olympics

Hey Blogs!

So tonight is week 1 of my Level B improv class, and I have a feeling it is going to be seriously gnar-gnar.

gnar-gnar. adj.
Incredibly awesome, excessively good

Derived from the term "gnarly".
"Whoa, did you see him hit the tranny with a 720 nose grind, it was gnar-gnar"

There was no class last week, which gave me some extra time to practice my Keanu impression ("I don't caaaaare.. Shit, focus.. I don't caaaaaaaaaare about your crime.. Better"), and I'm ready to knock 'em dead tonight.


And so it B-gins.

The focus of Level B, for those not familiar with the form, is "Blossoming". That is what the "B" stands for. Level Blossoming.

It is the level in which I will evolve into a comic master-force, crushing all in my path with my zesty one-liners and impeccably-timed simulated fart noises.

Me: Excuse me sir, can you pass-da-pasta!
Leo: That's not even a joke.


Daniel Radcliffe: I beg to differ!

And while I am confident about my chances in the pressure-cooker of Level B, it was only by the slimmest of margins that I scraped through the Level A Final Exam.


The Gauntlet

It came down to me vs. the teacher in an all or nothing Prov-Off. He got me good with a "made-up secret-handshake to miming climbing a rope" but I brought down the house with a "talk happy while frowning" followed immediately with the timeless "walking the cat".


Game. Set. Match.

See you in LEVEL B!

B.Brown Fanhome

Sorry to say that no one correctly answered my little query involving Mosquito Man vs. The FLY. The correct answer is that The FLY would win, and the even more correct answer is that Pollution Man would kick the crunk out of both those fools. Ya heard!


"Don't over-water your lawn, Human!"



So the news of the week is - drumrollllll - the Pistons and Spurs in are in the FINALS! Brought to you by PEPSI! Only on ABC!


Always Be Closing.

Detroit and San Antone are gonna grind it out
Run some half court sets until they find it out:
Who can be more boring and make less mistakes!
Draw more crappy charges and catch a few breaks!
Manage the clock and play not to loooose... IT ALL!
IT'S FINALS BASKETBALL!!

Would it be juvenile if I referred to the teams as the PISS-tones and S-POO-ers?
LEO: Yeah dude, it would.
ME: Shit. (stons).



You also may or may not have noticed some changes to the site, namely the addition of the archives and the removal of the "crying babies" section. I was sorry to see them go, but in the interest of having the site function as a slick, stream-lined, killing machine it was deemed necessary.

I did, however, add something preeeety special to the sidebar, let's see if you can pick it out.

Hint:

Bobby Brown likes the drugs.

Happy Hump-Day!
LOL Administator.