Real Life

I have been thinking a lot lately about what is and isn't real life.

Like, is a steak real life?



Look at that steak, and tell me: is that real life?

Sometimes I can't stop thinking to myself, is a steak real life?



But I can't answer that question, no more than I can answer a question like what is a steak?

I can't think like that. If I do I will never find an answer. So instead, I ask myself, is a steak "worldwide"?



That question proves more manageable. I answer that question with: what is a steak?

I Love These Things

Blog-YeaH!

I hope I am not taking my last post about K-Pax down too early. I hope everyone had a chance to appreciate its subtle charms. In case you missed it, you can view it by clicking on the link to your left under "previous posts". Or by clicking here. Or by phoning me and I can tell you all about it. Man it was good.

But I digress.

The reason I have blogged you today is to tell you about a few things that are happening in the world right now that I love. That is why I titled the post "I love these things". Sometimes the best solution is the most obvious one. Jesus said that.

Let's get it onnnnn!

#1. Columbia University.


Julie is going there in two weeks to start grad school. Like whoah. I was trying to think of a silly joke to make about hating Columbia because K-PAX was shot there (seriously) but instead I will just say congrats. I'm so proud of you baby.

#2. The Toronto Blue Jays.


Put on your rally caps you wacky blogofucks! We are currently sitting four games out of the wildcard in the AL. We just took the series from the (1st place) Angels and are turing into one of the hottest teams in August. Next up a weekend series in D-12, bring it on Tigers! I Love This Thing!

#3. The Chapters in Bloor West Village.


Jules and I discovered this beauty last Sunday on a walk-about. The front half is a normal bookstore, but walk to the back and you are standing in an old theater space with 40 foot ceilings and a stage area with an exposed brick backdrop. It was incredible. I mean whatever. Bookstores are for nerd-alerts.

#4. Blankets - By Craig Thompson.


I saw this book while I was at the bookstore in BWV. I ordered it off the internets (paid $24 instead of a cover price of $43 - that's why the last name's Bargoonagan) and it showed up yesterday. I just read the first 80 pgs. or so last night (it's almost 600 pgs!) and I am basically freaking out about it. The artwork looks like this:


I Love This Thing!

#5. This Photo.


I think this hot girl-on-girl action speaks for itself. Wait, what's that?

GIRL-ON-GIRL ACTION: Meeeeooooow.

I Love This Thing!

#6. Porcelain Figurines.


Holy shit I Love This Things! Look how cute these little buggers are! That cat in a dress brings back back such fond memories of the Cat-Country. If I had these two little dudes I would probably swallow them. To make them closer to me. ILTT!

#7. Weddings.


Weddings make my heart melt, it drips out of my eyes in the form of tears. I think this about weddings:

Weddings are lovely.
Spring, Summer, Winter and Fall.
The groom has VD.

Love Loves These Things!

***

Tune in for more love next week. When I promise to post a little more often. Because I love you. And I am sorry I called you "blogofucks".

LEO: Nice post Marto.
ME: Thanks dude.
LEO: No, like that post was actually nice. And minimal poop humor and irritating nonsense jokes. Really.
ME: Oh, well thanks I guess.
LEO: It's good.
ME: It's the new me baby.

LOL ADMIN>

Last Night Was Awesome

Last night I watched a movie called:


Inspector Gadget!

Just kidding! The movie I really saw was:


Godfather III!

Just kidding! The movie I really saw was:


FLATLINERS!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Flintstones!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Crash!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Girl Fight!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Wayne's World 2!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


L'Aviator!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Meal House!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Pet Detective!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Meatballs!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Shrew!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Month Ender!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Parachutes!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Dead Man Walking on Campus!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Courage Fight!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


One Mad Movie!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Anti-Trust!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


John Bla-sushi!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Man at Work!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


The Carefully!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Booster Shot!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Game Face!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Return of the Jackalope!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Benzine!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


Bill Pullman: Unpulled!

Just kidding, the movie I really saw was:


K-Pax!

No seriously, I saw K-Pax.

EASY ANSWERS

Net-Heads, Net-Heads, Net-Heads.

Greetings Net-Heads!

Mr. Weapon put up some delicious movie reviews today ("Weapon" link to your left) and it inspired me to tell you about a little flick I saw last night called:


THE MOVIE IS CALLED PRIMER!!!

So I don't want to give too much away, but in the movie these two guys invent a:

***WARNING - VERY VERY MILD EARLY-MOVIE SPOILER AHEAD - STOP READING NOW IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE UPPITY TYPES WHO GETS ALL PISSY IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU LIKE EVEN SOME MUNDANE DETAIL ABOUT A MOVIE LIKE WHO DIRECTED IT OR HOW LONG IT IS OR THAT TWO GUYS INVENT A TIME MACHINE IN IT***

TIME MACHINE!!!

I know right! Awesome! Or, as a hacker would say:

011101000110100001100001011101000010000001110000011
011000110111101110100001000000110110001101001011011
100110010100100000011100110110111101110101011011100
110010001110011001000000110001101101111011011110110
110001100101011100100010000001110100011010000110000
101101110001000000111010001101000011001010010000001
100100011010010110011101101001011101000110000101101
100001000000110010101100110011001100110010101100011
011101000111001100100000011010010110111000100000010
011100110000101110010011011100110100101100001

(It's binary babies. Get hip to it.)

So these dudes are not only have the ability to TRANSCEND TIME but they also must deal with some important MORAL DILEMMAS. These moral dilemmas include:


1. What to call the time machine!


A: In the end they backed off Mikey Trasuttimonkol in favor of the more fan-friendly "Rhombus" (geometric shape with no sides or angles).


2. Can you put a time-machine in a time-machine?


A: Yes, but the results are.. tssss, no no wait for it, wait for it... timeless!!?!


3. Can a time-machine be taught to love?


A: Yes, in fact, contrary to popular belief, time machines are based on love.


And finally, perhaps the toughest question of all:

4. What does time travel feel like?



I'm afraid that to this one, there are no easy answers. Right Leo?


LEO: There are no easy answers.

Right Leo?


LEO: There are no easy answers.

Right Leo?

8:27 AM.