So The Sneeze is having an essay contest, the winner of which wins a wireless router. The catch is that the essay has to be under 100 words. I don't think i have ever had to write such a short essay, and: it, is, tough. I wrote my piece and it was like 130 words over, wha fa? Anyway, below please find my entry:



Mr. Sneezer,

This letter, hereby, is to introduce myself and apply for the position of “Old-Timey Essay Contest Winner”. Please find my resume attached. It clearly states, in no uncertain terms, that I like this thing. More to the point, it clearly illustrates and illuminates the fact that I want this thing. When I say thing I mean router. On that point I will conclude my speech and example-list, and leave you with my name. My name is Martin Flanagan.

Thank you for your time, and have a day,
Martin Flanagan.





Thoughts? Queries? Fart Jokes?

hey blogfans!

marty here writing you from what i like to call "the bell province" or "land of bells". my rapier wit, as you can see, has not been corroded by the long hours and mucho drink-mouth. jules has joined me for a couple of days, which has been lovely, and, as always, a laugh a minute. for example, just now she said to me: "let's go to cora's for some brekie munchers" and i'm all like: "more like hard-cora's" to which she responded: "hard-cora's begs and achin!" i tell you gang, my BELLY was achin' after that zinger. oh, and so you know, the new "SNAP" is "ZAP". use it early and often, this thing is taking the von-dutch route. must run, looks like i'm back on friday ("frying-pan day"), so i will see you all then.

miss you bunches, marv.

Britney threw down the following poem on her subscription-only website about her honeymoon with Fenderline. I will withhold comment at this time.

A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all
My assistant Fe gave me the call.

I remember it well, as she was smilin'
She said it was called Turtle Island.

I packed my bags light and quick,
Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.

We hopped on a plane and took our flight
I slept really well, all through the night.

As we arrive, I turn and look out the door,
People are greeting us right at the shore.

A meal, a shower and some ice cream
Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!

Magical nights filled with stars
Silence is golden, no running cars.

Private dinners, romantic fires
Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.

Friendly "hellos" and never goodbyes
When you're having fun, oh, how time flies!

As we sit and prepare to make our part
I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!

i smiled at Susan and said:
"buck up Sue, shit,
you look so fucking sad"
but she didn't want to hear it:
"you look so fucking sad". Right.
"i mean, why do you have to take
everything so serious?"
"why can't you even try
to let it go a bit".
"I'll tell you why, fucker,
i'll tell you , i'll tell you,
i'll tell you.."

Here is a poem that I wrote on the subway this morning:


I'm cutting open my stomach
to see what's inside.
Digging out a bowl of sorts,
carving it out like a pumpkin.
Ribs breaking and scratching
as I burrow deeper,
Dry broken skin
raising up in a soft rounded
edge, hugging the bowl.

Come sit with me, by my side
hold my hand as I weather away.
Grab a scoop and dig with me,
shovel out my shit.
Drench your hands in my warm pink juices.

I'm getting carried/carry me away.



2:48- Not bad for a first go, but certainly a little gross. And I didn't title it, oish!