Dec 31, 2005

Happy New Year Mu'F*ckas!

Helo Blogs, you are all helio blogs.

'Helio' means 'of the earth', and thus, you are all helio blogs.

Deal with it.



Sometimes I see people on the street, and they're all 'yo guy, yo you guuuuy, why didn't you update your weblog?'

But I don't respond, becasue I was saving it. Saving my response I mean. Saving it for now.



LOL ADMIN'S OFFICIAL RESPONSE TO WHY HE HAS NOT BEEN ON BLOG>

My reasons are three-peat.

1. Typing, contrary to popular belief, is hard.



2. It has been a simple matter of resources. For those not aware, resources are things you use to do things. I have been short on these things. These things are:

- Typing skills.



3. Typing, for humans, is not natural. It is not instinct.



END TRANSMISSION>

So, that should take care of that.

In closing, I would like to wish everyone a safe and happy New Year. If you feel like you are drunk, please walk home or take a rickshaw or sleep in a gutter.



Also, I would encourage everyone to use 2006 as an opportunity to be a better person, or no, a better civilian. I, myself, have resolutioned to make several important steps in my life:

1. Learn to type.

The rest are secret resolvers, but i will give you a hint:



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Kisses,
LOL ADMIN>

Dec 12, 2005

What's in a Name?

My nickname in highschool was:


LUNCHBOX

Not for the reason you are assuming, however. I was called lunchbox not because I was big, but rather because I was so small I was once locked in a lunchbox as a practical joke.



What this little story illustrates is that names can sometimes be deceiving, and things are not always as they seem. Sure Refrigerator Perry is huge, and Speedy Claxton is fast, but is Tiki Barber a barber? Let me be the first to tell you that he most certainly is not.



'So what do I do?' you are saying. 'What do I doooooooo? Tell me, tell me what I can doooooooo?' Well fret not my little Blogs, I am here to help. To aid in your understanding of this nonsensical nomenclature I give you:

THE LOL ADMIN'S GUIDE TO NOT GETTING JACKED BY SOME GULLY ASS NAME
- 1ST EDITION

Lesson #1

Appreciate that some people have a delicate relationship with their name, and it can at times become a sore-spot.

EXHIBIT A:


This is Taco Wallace. He is a football player for the Seattle Seahawks. He is clearly not a taco. You can probably imagine that if your name was Taco, and you were not a taco, you probably wouldn't want to talk about it too much.

What can be learned from this? Well, when someone has a funny name, like Taco, or, say, Boobie, it is best not to make fun of them as that could cause pain. And I am talking about emotional pain, the kind that causes scars that you CAN'T see.



What you can do in situations like this is think of all the funny jokes and puns that you would have said to the person and write them down on little pieces of paper. Then give the pieces of paper to a friend and have them call you those names and see how it makes you feel. This will make you a better person on the inside.

Lesson #2

Let's do a quick thought experiment to illustrate this next point.

Say your name is Daniel Ruff. Your middle name is Dennis. You are walking down the street, minding your own business, when someone comes up to you and says: "What's up Dandruff, you punk ass bitch?".

What do you do? Beat this dude's ass? Well hold onto your honkers kids. What you should say to this man is:



"But why?" you say! "Why would I thank a dude for calling me a bitch?"

You are not in fact thanking the dude for calling you a bitch, but rather for making your name into the hilarious pun 'Dandruff'. This pun required thought and creativity to invent, and that should be rewarded, not condemned. If you tell this person to, for example, 'shut their shitty shit-mouth', when is the next time they are likely to do something creative and share it with the world? Probably never. And you just made the world an uglier place. Way do go, Dandruff.



Now I understand that this may seem like a lot of information to take in all at once. To make things a bit simpler I have distilled the lessons into two basic rules.

#1. Be nice to people.
#2. When people are mean to you, be nice back to them.

Enough number twos might even cause a few number ones, and wouldn't that be something.

LOL ADMIN>