Gon' Cut Cha' Toes Off

BLOG. IT.
BLOG. IT?
THINK OF. A THING.
AND BLOG. IT!

Did you ever saw a bone saw?

It looks like this:


And did you ever saw a bunion?

It looks like this:


(That is not actually a bunion. It is a statue of Paul Bunyan. Bunions aren't much fun to look at).

I have one of those two things. And a man named Doctor West has the other. And on November 15th the two are going to get together, and then Dr. West will have both, and I will have none! Unless Dr. West gives me a souvenir bone saw.

I will then have 2 to 6 weeks of recovery time. I will have to wear one of these:


and shower like this:


But most importantly, I will have lots and lots of time to kill. I will probably burn the first couple of days playing Breath of Fire 2
on Game Boy, but once that is wrapped up I will be locked in a constant battle with boredom, hanging onto my sanity by only the thinnest of threads.

DAY FIVE: After teaching myself to cook, I will be sick to my stomach from eating so much asparagus and mascarpone risotto.



DAY EIGHT: My self-titled work of post-apocalyptic semi-biographical flash-fiction will hit stores, causing shock and repulsion nation-wide. I will call it: MARTIN FLANAGAN.



DAY FOURTEEN: I will knit a rope.



DAY SEVENTEEN: Terrified of my own shadow, I will wrap myself in Christmas lights and sleep in the bathtub.



DAY TWENTY SIX: Rewatch "Dog Park" and notice subtleties I hadn't previously picked up. Edit my rewrite accordingly.



And on the THIRTIETH DAY I will return to the real world, changed forever by my orthopedic odyssey. Some will say I grew a beard, while others will call it a moustache. Kids will say I am frightening, mothers will find me attractive. Dogs will sneer and cats will cheer as I run and jump and slide and glide. Higher and faster and bigger and better and further than ever before!



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