Hello Gang!
Happy Friday everyone! What I am here to do is blast you with the funny shit to get your big butts wagging all through this regular-sized weekend. So here goes, please keep hands and toes inside the car at all times, and refrain from vomiting until the vehicle has come to a complete STOP:

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NUMBER ONE!
What do you call a grabby crab?
A selfish shellfish!

WHORE!
What do you call a shrimp with a pimp?
a trampy scampy!

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!
You did, fuckwad!

BENVENITO A PARIS!
How do you tell a Frenchman to fuck off?
Flip him the oiseau!

WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR?
What do you call shit-kicking shit?
Kung-Fu Bum-Poo!

CHARLIE!

What do you call Charlie answering his mom?

Answering Ma-Sheen!

HANG TEN!

What do midgets surf on?
Microwaves!

WATCH YOUR STEP!
How do you know when you've farted?
Your shorts smell like the inside of your ass!

NAP TIME!
We all know what happens when you fall asleep, what happens when sleep falls on you?
You're under a rest!

KISS MY GLASS!
Why did the window washer leave his house?
Because the glass in always cleaner on the other side!

VS!
What do you call Charlie getting in a fight with his mom?
Man Vs. Ma-Sheen!

FUCKING VEGANS!
Where does a vegetarian wear their toe-ring?
On their TOE-FOO!

CHIEF TELLING JOKE!
What do inuits listen to music on?
Native Speakers?

FUCK BRANDY!
How do you diss an aperatif?
You tell a port to teleport!

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That's it, I'm exhausted. I'm sure I have more of those suckas crawling around the dark recesses of my mind, but I'll have to write those ones later. Check this out, i'll write those ones l8r, shit yeah see what i did there? L8R! DOPE! L8R SK8R BOI! I think using the number 8 in the place of "ate" has got to be the single coolest thing ever.... Oh, shit check this out:

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DINNER TIME!
a: Why aren't you hungry?
b: B-cuz I 8 a sk8r l8r than U!

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There it is folks, I have outdone myself! I hang my hat and cry in silence at the breathtaking pinnacle of my joke writing career... ENJOI THE WEEKEND KIDS! M>