Britney threw down the following poem on her subscription-only website about her honeymoon with Fenderline. I will withhold comment at this time.

A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all
My assistant Fe gave me the call.

I remember it well, as she was smilin'
She said it was called Turtle Island.

I packed my bags light and quick,
Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.

We hopped on a plane and took our flight
I slept really well, all through the night.

As we arrive, I turn and look out the door,
People are greeting us right at the shore.

A meal, a shower and some ice cream
Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!

Magical nights filled with stars
Silence is golden, no running cars.

Private dinners, romantic fires
Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.

Friendly "hellos" and never goodbyes
When you're having fun, oh, how time flies!

As we sit and prepare to make our part
I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!

i smiled at Susan and said:
"buck up Sue, shit,
you look so fucking sad"
but she didn't want to hear it:
"you look so fucking sad". Right.
"i mean, why do you have to take
everything so serious?"
"why can't you even try
to let it go a bit".
"I'll tell you why, fucker,
i'll tell you , i'll tell you,
i'll tell you.."

Here is a poem that I wrote on the subway this morning:


I'm cutting open my stomach
to see what's inside.
Digging out a bowl of sorts,
carving it out like a pumpkin.
Ribs breaking and scratching
as I burrow deeper,
Dry broken skin
raising up in a soft rounded
edge, hugging the bowl.

Come sit with me, by my side
hold my hand as I weather away.
Grab a scoop and dig with me,
shovel out my shit.
Drench your hands in my warm pink juices.

I'm getting carried/carry me away.



2:48- Not bad for a first go, but certainly a little gross. And I didn't title it, oish!

Yeah you'd better watch out
if your going to throw that dogshit in the toilet (pollution man)
yeah you'd better watch out
if you are not re-cy-cle-ing! (pollution man)

cause he's going to kick your ass
if you don't shut the water while you brush your teeth (brush your teeth)
and he'll get real pissed off
if you leave a frickin' light on when you goin' to sleeeeeeep!

Cause he's mean, and green, POLLUTION MAN!
A butt-kicking machine, POLLUTION MAN!
But a machine that runs on fossil fuels and fart gas, fart gas, FART GAS...

POLLUTION MAN!

This week on POLLUTION MAN, a strange force is taking over the city. People everywhere are polluting! Pouring coffee on the ground so they don't spill it while driving. Spitting gum and cigarrette butts on the sidewalk and putting candy wrappers on tree-planters!! What is going on in our fine city? What evil force is causing this pollution? This looks like a job for... POLLUTION MAN!

PD: Yo Pollution Man, we gotta stop all this polluting before the city becomes a wasteland of dirty syringes and coffe cups!
PM: You are damn right Pollution Dude, lets get to work!!


TO THE RESCUE!!!!!

PM: Look, the people are all polluting because they forgot that their environment loves them!!!
PD: What are we going to do Pollution Man?
PM: I GOT IT!!! PEOPLE OF EARTH, CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. IF YOU COULD ALL LOOK UP AT THE SUN FOR A BRIEF MOMENT, I THINK YOU WILL REMEMBER SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU ARE FORGETTING!!!


"It's Beautiful!"

PEOPLE: We're sorry pollution man, we forgot that the earth loves us!! Thank you for saving us from pollution!
PM: Don't say sorry, just pick the crap off the ground and stop pollutioning!
PEOPLE: YAAAAAAY!!!


POLLUTION MAN!

(Time for a sing along)

Blog, Blog, Blog, it's time to Blog. (sing with me...)
Bloggy Bloggy Fun Time, time to Blog.
Here comes a funny, joke about something,
or a really wacky picture that will make you giggle (tee hee hee hee)

(Change of pace)
Bloggiiiiiiing is my only releassssse!
It makes me feel free, free as a bird,
I spread my wings of words, and take fliiiiiiight!

Phrases and sentences like currents of soft warm air (soft warm air)
feeling the nouns and the verbs rushing through my hair! (through my hair)
Why can't i live so free, so free everyday,
as when I'm writing my Blog, I'm Blogging, I'm Blogging awaaaaaaaaaaaay!

(Hip hop extravaganza)
Yo i'm rappin about bloggin'
look at me rap, about bloggin'
look at a map, when your loggin'
so you don't cut down the wrong maple treee.. SNAP.

For me (spoken word)
blogging is like, life maaan,
you gotta make choices, when you blog,
like life,
do you post a joke? or a funny picture?
you decide your own future,
des-tinny, tin drum beat
rhythmic like a heart beat
like a subtle swallow beats, it's wings,
mild, hot, or suicide?

RIP Rodney Dangerfield

Nov. 22, 1921 - Oct. 05, 2004

John Kerry was a Swift Boat Captain. He is a National Treasure.

Ben is Confused: Bennifer Loparnerflek.

Marty loves the Movies

In honor of the film fest, i decided to do a couple of movie reviews of my own. Hope you like movies, cause I sure like reviews...


I saw the preview for the new Leo/Hughes Biopic "The Aviator". Leo has got to stop messing around with these big budget snoozefests and do something worthwhile before I stop having sex dreams about him. Eccentric Billonaire? I say "Eccentric Who-Gives-A-Shit?"


I saw "Napoleon Dynamite" on Sunday with Jules and Marko. We went to the sushi place next door to Carlton cinema before hand for some grub. They do this move where they load the Spicy Tuna Maki up with wasabi so it has this mean bite to it, and they don't wrap it in seaweed like they do at sushi on Bloor. Nice move sushi place, you've played before...


Ahhh but for the life Aquatic. i don't know if i have been more jazzed to see a new movie in some time. ALTHOUGH, i saw a preview on the internet on Friday and it was nothing AT ALL like i thought it would be. I pictured it being all in the 1700's like Chris Columbus and shit (1600's). So what i have decided to do is not see it, THAT way there is no way i can be disappointed by it and it can live forever in my mind as this perfect sparkling ideal (much like Minnie Driver in the mind of Matt Damon for the first half of "Good Will Hunting"; now that was a good fuckin' movie).



Good Fuckin' Movie!


This is how I rap. When Mark and I drop this new rap song it is going to permanently alter the course of human history, for the worse. It will be like an infectious plague, causing uncontrollabe butt shaking from Toronto to Iraq, and back. Be warned.


So i was trying to find a poster for that new movie "Cellular", and instead i found this sweet honey in a fanny pack. Somehow I think we are all better off for it. Cellular should have come out in like, '97 or something, and even then it wouldn't have been cool.

And finally, the moment you have all been waiting for, the best of 2004 and the winner of the Palm D'Or at the first annual "Marties", the winner is......


"I don't care about your crime... whatever you did, i'm sure you feel bad, so it's cool now, it's over... we're just two cool guys, just hangin' out".

And from the wonderful world of sports:


Shaq Dad: Lyrical Mastermind.

"The Diesel is back in the booth, and the word is out. Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal, whose rap albums include "Shaq Diesel" and "Shaq Fu -- Da Return," has collaborated with DJ Vlad on a new rap CD called "Hot In Here Part Five." On the single titled "You Not The Fightin' Type," O'Neal takes a swipe at former Los Angeles Lakers teammate Kobe Bryant. In the song, while calling out DJ Skillz, a Cincinnati-based radio deejay, O'Neal says: "Even with wings you never as fly as me ... you remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me ... but you can't ... even if you get me traded ... wherever I'm at, I'm Puffy; you Mase and you're still hated." ESPN.com


Kobe: Just got served.