MOSQUITO MANHOME

So I was watching 106 and Park on the weekend, and their guest was Philadelphia Eagles WR Terrell Owens.


Show me the money.

Terrell boldly stated that his favorite movie of all time is "The Notebook". Well played Terrell, but as awesome as "The Notebook" is, it doesn't hold a candle to my favorite movie:


MOSQUITO MAN!

Mosquito Man can lift ten times his own weight, and has twenty foot wings that can beat so fast that the wind blows your shirt off! He drinks 5 tons of BLOOD. And that's just for breakfast! And he can enter your mind using telekenises to suck blood from your brain and render you:


De-Brained!!!!!

Indeed, you would have to be some kind of idiot to mess around with MOSQUITO MAN.

But, you say, if Mosquito Man is so kick-ass, can he defeat...


Jeff Goldblum?


Discuss/Discourse.

Weaponized Salad
Oink, this is The Polishweapon borrowing a slab of space to bring you the following

Lubba Subba

Croc Dundee II - Scene 17 Act III

Villian - What's a Donk?

The Salad Army

friday update

Hello Blogospheres! Blogosphere is the name for people who read BLOGS! Seeing how you are all reading this BLOG, you are all blogospheres!



So it is Friday, and I felt it was in order to give you an update on a few things near and dear. We shall start with the...

NBA PLAYOFFS UPDATE!!

Western Conference:
Phoenix 1 - Dallas 1
San Antonio 2 - Seattle 1

Good matchups, and suprisingly competitive thusfar...

Eastern Conference:
Detroit 1 - Indy 1
Miami 3 - Wash. 0

Speaking of Miami, Zo' started in Shaq's place last night and went 5 of 8 for 14 pts. 13 rbs. and 4 blocked shots. We traded Vince Carter for Zo', and he played what some are calling the best game of his career for the Heat last night.


Rob Babcock 479,284 - Rap's Fans - 0

...but for those of you who aren't so into hoops, how about an:

IDOL UPDATE!!

My man Bo Bice is still putting the "rock" back in "Amer-ROCKIN' Idol". This week he laid down the theme song to The Apprentice while wearing a black suit, aviators, flip-flops and a diamond-crusted dollar-sign belt buckle. It was the best thing I have ever seen, in my life. Randy responded with: "All I can say is, when your album comes out that song better be on it!"


Like Buttah'

And then Wednesday rolled around and saw Anthony Federov sent packing. Bo Bice is your next American Idol. Believe me, I am never wrong about these things. And no, Leo's Oscar prediction does not count as one of "these things".

Speaking of which...

LEO DICAPRIO UPDATE!!!

Though I don't talk about him so much anymore, Leo is still very much the life-blood of this website. For instance, just this week Leo called me and was like: Mar Flan! Who loves you baby? And I was all: Yo Leo, I gotta respond to your question in rhyming couplets as it's the only way I can properly express myself...

Leo, my friend, you most lovely fellow,
Come to my house, where we can eat Jello,

I'll show you my gameboy, my Playstation 2,
My new bright blue sneakers, my dandruff shampoo,

I'll show you and tell you all about me,
And I'll make you a sandwich: tomato and brie!

Your Favorite! I know! You are one of the greats,
I spend time in chatrooms, researching your tastes!

We'll be having such fun, the time will fly past,
Me and my Leo, together at last.



WORK UPDATE!!

I met a guy from Hong Kong at the office this week, and he told me a story as we looked down on City Hall. He told me about the old Hong-Kong Zoo, which closed about five years ago, and was roughly the size of City Hall's grounds. It resembled a run-down farm, or country fair, more than a zoo, and they really only had two animals of any significance: One was a lion, weathered and flea-bitten, sitting in its tiny cramped cage. It stopped eating properly because it was so unhappy, and so you could see its ribs through its sides, like the backside of corrugated cardboard.

The other animal was, in his words, "a tiny, midget elephant". I laughed at this description, thinking it was a figure of speech. He corrected me, saying that it was an honest to goodness midget elephant, so only children could ride on it because it was so small and weak. And the children would indeed ride it, all day lining up to have a ride on the little elephants back, round and round on its little track, each and every day.

And that was it. The zoo then closed five years back and that was the end. Such a sad story. Kind of reminded me a bit of the Parking Lot Farm. I am not really sure why I am recounting it, I guess I just wish it had a happier ending.



IMPROV UPDATE!!

So every Wednesday I go to improv class from 8 to 10:30. It has been lots of fun so far, but people keep asking me "What did you do at improv?", and I have had a hard time answering. This past week was week five, so I figured I might as well get everyone up to speed:

WEEK 1:

Get to know you type stuff.

WEEK 2:

Intro to Miming.

WEEK 3:

Interpretive dance.

WEEK 4:

Fake laughing.

WEEK 5:

Magic wand.

And coming up next week:

The header.



And that should bring you up to speed on all things Leo and Salad Army. Have a great weekend Blogospheres!!!


LOL Administrator.

page six fanhome

Just Asking...

Which former Friend and wife of Mr. Smith has found a new way to deal with her heartache. Pals say she has had her nails painted to read "B R A D" on the right, and "P U T Z" on the left, and is showing them to anyone who will look... Which rock-star of the long-shlong variety was spotted shopping in Soho with his precious pooch on the weekend. Employees at DKNY say he marched in and demanded two custom coats, "one for my dog, and one for my dick"... Which Hilton heiress named for a french capital spent Friday night at Bungalow 8, where she gabbed with friends and did some serious spit-swapping with one Dikembe Mutombo... Which chunky spiderman was canoodling with Candace Bergen at the Orioles game on Tuesday. One eyewitness heard him whisper "take me out to the ball game" in Candy's ear before the first pitch. He carried a sign that read Eating Spaghetti Pleases Naguire and shouted "D'oh" after a Sammy Sosa homer... Which husky hunk of Funky Bunch fame peed his pants while in line for the Dave Matthews show last night... Which famous half of now defunct "Bennifer" is changing her name yet again, this time over a lawsuit. The trouble arose when Leonard Brinker of the Jersey Shore Freight Company filed a defamation suit on Friday, claiming her nickname was a rip-off of his long-time handle "Lenny from the Dock".

HATE

I hate hate.
But hate is what I love to hate.
"Hate-Love" is the closest
thing I've ever felt to love (hate).

Half of hate is "ha!"
But it's not funny.
To hate love like a lover
loves hate.
Hate Love, Ha! Love,
Ha, Lo,
Halo.

THE BICE MAN COMETH

Last night the nation spoke, and what they said was:
"Hey Maroules, GO HOME!"


Wannabe.

The irony of Maroulis' downfall was that he tanked it on Tuesday by singing my karaoke staple: How You Remind Me by the great:



While I applaud his song selection, he did a pretty poor job of it, completely forgetting to do the thumbs-up/finger wagging actions in the "yeah, yeah, yeah...oh no" part. And at this stage of the game, when the stakes are this high and all the chips are down, one mistake can cost you.....


EVERYTHING!

So boo-hoo for the Maroulis fans, and "Bo! Woo!" for the Bice-Brats (that is what the on-line Bice community refer to themselves/ourselves as). The nation is waking up to the rocking ways of the Biceman, and ain't nobody going to get in his way!

Not Anthony Federov, or Carrie Underwood. And definitely not Scott Savol:



He looks like a teddy-bear, the fans love him, but guess what?


I got arrested!

So that's it, Bo is a lock for the finals. Is it going to be easy? Yes it is. Is it going to take hard work? Some, probably.

And is it going to ROCK? You can bet your sweet ass!


Rock on Biceman, rock on.

Parking-Lot Farm

They are building a farm in the parking-lot behind my apartment building. They are bringing in chickens and cows and piggies. There will be hens and roosters snuggled up in the hen-house: "Coo coo" they will shout! "Coo coo" at the crack of dawn to wake the sleeping residents!

The bunnies will till the fields and dust the crops while the chickens pick gravel and bits of broken glass from their webbed toes. The resilient owl will harvest the wheat as the goats and horses bray and chew weeds from the cracked pavement. The softs scents of baking bread will rise from the chimney of the badgers shed, as he readies himself for the roadside sale. "Hello" he will shout, his window ajar, "hello and come to the sale".

The sad pigs will suckle the spewing exhaust pipe from my landlords car, thinking it is the teat of their mama. The sun will rise and set on the farm, with the busy workers ploughing and working long into the night to keep their fledgling enterprise afloat. Everyone working together. Everyone doing their part, even me.

BO BICE FANHOME

There are two guys on this year's American Idol who have come to be referred to as "THE ROCKERS". One guy is called Constantine Maroulis, and looks like this:


HeartThrob.

Believe me, I know, but the even more awesome part is that the OTHER guy's actual name is BO BICE, and Bo Bice looks like this:


Rocker.

Some of the awesome things that BO BICE can do:

1. When he sings he carries the whole mic-stand around the stage with him like he doesn't know it's detachable, and wears wicked outfits that look like they were torn off the front steps of Jarvis circa 1995:



2. When they were told the theme for week two was "Songs from the 70's" Bo chimed in with "Can they be rock?". Seacrest understood, a rocker needs to rock.



3. Even Cowell likes this dude. After rocking Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle Cowell said Bo is the only one that doesn't feel like a contestant. And that Simon can be a real cantankerous crank!



4. Among the other songs Bo has rocked, my faves would have to be Spinning Wheel, Drift Away, and Whipping Post. He brought the house down last night with a roaring rendition of Freebird, to which a drunken Paula Abdul responded "Bo, you are in this to win it. You could have a hit with that song".


Could be a hit.


So the only question remaining is... which rocker will rock his way into the finals:


Constantine or Bo?

The popular vote is Maroulis, but my money's on Bice.

Then again I still have a closet full of Justin Guarini T-shirts and that "Claymate of the Year" tatoo on my back, so who knows...


AI4E!

Since You've Been Gone

Hey Gang!


Guess Who's Back!
Back Again!
Bloggie's Back!
Tell Your Friends!

I missed you. I say I missed you like this: RST-VW (pronounced "wrist-voo"). It sounds like a dog saying "missed you" and it is a delicious little word game! YUM/YUP!

I am sorry to have left all of you netizens hanging while I was sleeping at the wheel, with that stupid LEO-GEO Bad Dudes picture to stare at. It has been a weird* couple of weeks (it has been a month) since I bloggered - with this changing weather, day-light savings and all the rest - but you can take comfort in the fact that while i haven't actually written anything on my blog I have thought about blogging several times. Among the considered blog ideas that were tossed out like a dirty adult diaper were:


- changing the whole blog theme to a Kelly Clarkson Fanhome, with all kinds of bells and whistles (see: photoshopped pictures of K.C holding hands with Leo, a symbolic passing of the torch).

- a report with pictures of my snowboarding trip with Jules, which was excellent. In the end I decided to keep the fond memories to myself. No offense to you guys, but there just wasn't much Leo talk on the trip.


- a copy of the angry letter I wrote to CNN last week chastising them for listing an "Exotic SI Swimsuit Gallery" as a sports headline every fricking day for the past two months. There are room for two headlines and one of them every day is a swimsuit gallery. Today the headlines are: • Rain delays Masters start and • Exotic SI Swimsuit Gallery: Venus Williams. Shameless.

- the life story of our buddy Terrence - from details of his wild younger days to the real reason he is not getting his Tracks newsletter or E-News announcement. there would be a Q and A with the man himself, and an in-depth analysis of how he got to be so insanely fucking cute/bummed out.


- one that i actually wrote out part of that was mostly about how fricking awesome R.V's are that followed into outlining the awesome ways that I would deliver mail if I was a postman (as I don't dig dogs). The ways included: tank, t-shirt launcher from raps games, mind teleportation, brontosaurus. etc.

- responding to the one lonely question I got in response to my open season on all Leo related inquiries. I am sorry to "Pat" for not filling you in, though I promise to in future installments.

So as you can see, the ideas have been there, it is just the effort that has been amiss.

WHATS THAT TERRENCE?

T: So with all those discarded ideas, you must have something pretty special for us today?

M: Well Terrence, that kind of depends on whether or not you think A LEONARDO DICAPRIO WORD SEARCH IS SPECIAL! Holy shit is right little T, you can do the search on the screen, or print that mother off for hours of Leo bliss...

SOMEONE: Hey Marto..

ME: Uh, yeah, who's there?

LEO: It's me, Leo..

ME: Oh hey Leo, what's up?

LEO: I love you.

ME: I know Leo, I know.

Leo Fanhome Word Search

ELPANETWPVIAEBRRIDERRTNOB

RREEATEEAHITMETAEIWTSEBET

DMODNNAWAMEDOSEEGNNSRUOEE

RIEEEVVIRLLGEVRAGAAONIPTE

NAIPCTIATPBKAPIHEDRSELREC

AIAASDRRBUNABSADOTNAIOEAR

BRVRETGAOMNAHOERHTREBREDN

GOSLEPCNONPPOCSITABERVIOS

REDHHTAPSEMIAMACMEVSBETER

NOMIGEEONACETINEAADGDLNNL

TNPOAOEHERPINANTBRTGOAIIW

AOOASRSBEREOSTOSEBENDPNGA

TNRINDILECDCSSEISSIIRNRAB

CSMDENNEERTAGLLNCEEBAAWBA

USWSIOGASITEGETEOTHTAEORK

ERLAECAGHSLTBOVAEOLAHNITO

BNIEEAADRLTVEBARNRAIEEHDI

RTIAAEAPAOBGELRLPGHABARLE

CSEBTEABRMWSAEEAEOBNIAMIA

TIHENETHSININOOWALOLNDOVL

RRDBOEIROAOCNEEGERAOTSIWP

RPDIKMNNTTEANGSKDNEHOAOSL

BUESNLEKTRTNABNIDLNLTTRAH

ENANADADRNIIRMDOATEOERNTE

ABATSDOWSLCIEEVRESRGGLGRS

WORD LIST:

- Leonardo -Gilbert -Grape -Hottie -Dicaprio -Beach -Aviator -Departed -Basketball -Diaries ---Boneable -Handsome -Terrence -Environment -Oscar -Snub -RSTVW -Thailand -Growing ----Pains

*weird doesn't follow the i before e rule, isn't that weird? That's how I remember how to spell "weird".