A Very Simpson Christmas

Season's Greetings!

Hope everybody has finished their Christmas shopping and is ready to kick back and enjoy the festive season, eggnog in hand, crackling fire, the jolly sound of old St. Nick stomping around the snowy rooftops! What a time of year! But you know what happens if you don't finish your Christmas shopping? Yes, that's right! Santa eats your heart! Bummer!

Moving on, I was shopping for some CD's today, and I picked up the new Ashlee Simpson record. It is burning up the charts and I just had to see what all the fuss was about. Well my goodness was I in for a shock! This Ashlee is not the sweet little sister of the moralistic starlet I like to call "Jesse Essy". I guess I was a little naive, thinking the old addage "sex sells" could be put on hold, at least through the holidays. Apparently not. I have transcribed some of her lyrics below so you can see for yourself, prepare to be mortified:

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"Pieces Of Me"

On a Monday, I am horny
Tuesday, I am horny
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness makes me horny
Cause you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, poosay, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy it's your mission
And you won't stop til I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
When you hit that bottom
Crash! you're all I have

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way ass feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

On a Monday, I am horny
And by Tuesday, I am fading into your ass...
So I can dream

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, poosays, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me...

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Like, I know right! If Britney is a MILF, that would make Ashlee a TILW - Trollop I'd Like to Wallop! She should be ashamed. And at Christmas time to boot! Singin' about getting her ass whacked on Christmas, boo I say, boo to you Ms. Simpson. What do you think Leo?



'nuff said.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS ALL!