BO BICE FANHOME

There are two guys on this year's American Idol who have come to be referred to as "THE ROCKERS". One guy is called Constantine Maroulis, and looks like this:


HeartThrob.

Believe me, I know, but the even more awesome part is that the OTHER guy's actual name is BO BICE, and Bo Bice looks like this:


Rocker.

Some of the awesome things that BO BICE can do:

1. When he sings he carries the whole mic-stand around the stage with him like he doesn't know it's detachable, and wears wicked outfits that look like they were torn off the front steps of Jarvis circa 1995:



2. When they were told the theme for week two was "Songs from the 70's" Bo chimed in with "Can they be rock?". Seacrest understood, a rocker needs to rock.



3. Even Cowell likes this dude. After rocking Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle Cowell said Bo is the only one that doesn't feel like a contestant. And that Simon can be a real cantankerous crank!



4. Among the other songs Bo has rocked, my faves would have to be Spinning Wheel, Drift Away, and Whipping Post. He brought the house down last night with a roaring rendition of Freebird, to which a drunken Paula Abdul responded "Bo, you are in this to win it. You could have a hit with that song".


Could be a hit.


So the only question remaining is... which rocker will rock his way into the finals:


Constantine or Bo?

The popular vote is Maroulis, but my money's on Bice.

Then again I still have a closet full of Justin Guarini T-shirts and that "Claymate of the Year" tatoo on my back, so who knows...


AI4E!

Since You've Been Gone

Hey Gang!


Guess Who's Back!
Back Again!
Bloggie's Back!
Tell Your Friends!

I missed you. I say I missed you like this: RST-VW (pronounced "wrist-voo"). It sounds like a dog saying "missed you" and it is a delicious little word game! YUM/YUP!

I am sorry to have left all of you netizens hanging while I was sleeping at the wheel, with that stupid LEO-GEO Bad Dudes picture to stare at. It has been a weird* couple of weeks (it has been a month) since I bloggered - with this changing weather, day-light savings and all the rest - but you can take comfort in the fact that while i haven't actually written anything on my blog I have thought about blogging several times. Among the considered blog ideas that were tossed out like a dirty adult diaper were:


- changing the whole blog theme to a Kelly Clarkson Fanhome, with all kinds of bells and whistles (see: photoshopped pictures of K.C holding hands with Leo, a symbolic passing of the torch).

- a report with pictures of my snowboarding trip with Jules, which was excellent. In the end I decided to keep the fond memories to myself. No offense to you guys, but there just wasn't much Leo talk on the trip.


- a copy of the angry letter I wrote to CNN last week chastising them for listing an "Exotic SI Swimsuit Gallery" as a sports headline every fricking day for the past two months. There are room for two headlines and one of them every day is a swimsuit gallery. Today the headlines are: • Rain delays Masters start and • Exotic SI Swimsuit Gallery: Venus Williams. Shameless.

- the life story of our buddy Terrence - from details of his wild younger days to the real reason he is not getting his Tracks newsletter or E-News announcement. there would be a Q and A with the man himself, and an in-depth analysis of how he got to be so insanely fucking cute/bummed out.


- one that i actually wrote out part of that was mostly about how fricking awesome R.V's are that followed into outlining the awesome ways that I would deliver mail if I was a postman (as I don't dig dogs). The ways included: tank, t-shirt launcher from raps games, mind teleportation, brontosaurus. etc.

- responding to the one lonely question I got in response to my open season on all Leo related inquiries. I am sorry to "Pat" for not filling you in, though I promise to in future installments.

So as you can see, the ideas have been there, it is just the effort that has been amiss.

WHATS THAT TERRENCE?

T: So with all those discarded ideas, you must have something pretty special for us today?

M: Well Terrence, that kind of depends on whether or not you think A LEONARDO DICAPRIO WORD SEARCH IS SPECIAL! Holy shit is right little T, you can do the search on the screen, or print that mother off for hours of Leo bliss...

SOMEONE: Hey Marto..

ME: Uh, yeah, who's there?

LEO: It's me, Leo..

ME: Oh hey Leo, what's up?

LEO: I love you.

ME: I know Leo, I know.

Leo Fanhome Word Search

ELPANETWPVIAEBRRIDERRTNOB

RREEATEEAHITMETAEIWTSEBET

DMODNNAWAMEDOSEEGNNSRUOEE

RIEEEVVIRLLGEVRAGAAONIPTE

NAIPCTIATPBKAPIHEDRSELREC

AIAASDRRBUNABSADOTNAIOEAR

BRVRETGAOMNAHOERHTREBREDN

GOSLEPCNONPPOCSITABERVIOS

REDHHTAPSEMIAMACMEVSBETER

NOMIGEEONACETINEAADGDLNNL

TNPOAOEHERPINANTBRTGOAIIW

AOOASRSBEREOSTOSEBENDPNGA

TNRINDILECDCSSEISSIIRNRAB

CSMDENNEERTAGLLNCEEBAAWBA

USWSIOGASITEGETEOTHTAEORK

ERLAECAGHSLTBOVAEOLAHNITO

BNIEEAADRLTVEBARNRAIEEHDI

RTIAAEAPAOBGELRLPGHABARLE

CSEBTEABRMWSAEEAEOBNIAMIA

TIHENETHSININOOWALOLNDOVL

RRDBOEIROAOCNEEGERAOTSIWP

RPDIKMNNTTEANGSKDNEHOAOSL

BUESNLEKTRTNABNIDLNLTTRAH

ENANADADRNIIRMDOATEOERNTE

ABATSDOWSLCIEEVRESRGGLGRS

WORD LIST:

- Leonardo -Gilbert -Grape -Hottie -Dicaprio -Beach -Aviator -Departed -Basketball -Diaries ---Boneable -Handsome -Terrence -Environment -Oscar -Snub -RSTVW -Thailand -Growing ----Pains

*weird doesn't follow the i before e rule, isn't that weird? That's how I remember how to spell "weird".

A Little Q & A

Q - What's your favorite video game system?
A- I would have to say LEO-GEO!



So, Leo-Heads, today I thought I would do a little Q&A and answer some of (one) of your Leo based inquiries. I found the following message in the comments of my last post:

Leo was offered the lead in the Ring twO, however he turned it down to do the Aviator. Do you think he would have been number one in Oscar town if he had made better choices? discuss.dcoy 03.09.05 - 8:10 pm #

And then I was like:

first of all, this is the first i have heard of leo having any involvement in ringu 2, and quite frankly i am apalled that they would even have the nerve to ask him. leo doesnt make movies like that, he is too cool, so in this one instance i would say no, it certainly would not have made a difference (not a positive one). overall though, your question becomes much more interesting. leo has also said that he wishes he had taken the lead in boogie nights (which he was offered) over titanic. this would have made a world of difference on his career path, as he would have been viewed as an actor rather than a pretty face for those 5 ridiculous years between titanic and catch me. the diggler role, while not in my favorite movie, afforded wahlberg the freedom to do pretty much whatever the shit he wants ever since, even though he is MUCH prettier than he is a good actor (he was an underwear model). so in short, the answer is yes, i suppose different choices would have brought leo down a different path, though hindsight is 20/20, and for where he was five years ago he is doing brilliantly. titanic, for a lesser actor, could have been total career suicide, and yet for leo it has proven to be more proof that he can literally do it all, something you could never say about marky mark. leo is by far the most bankable actor in the world, and he is arguably also the best. not bad for a guy who is just entering his thirties.

thank you for your question dcoy, and keep on truckin!



And there we have it! Wasn't that fun?

In fact, I would like to open the message box below to any Leo-based inquiries and discussion that you, my loyal Leolites, may have. I will then cull from the answers my favorite/most delicious Leo-based inquiries and respond to them in future posts! This is going to be awesome, like a Leo discussion forum, or a newsgroup!

The discussion board is OPEN!

Meet Tasha

Please wait for an online sales representative to respond. You are currently 1 in line out of 1 people.
Welcome to bell.ca! You are chatting with 'Tasha' and I will be your online sales representative! To assist you, may I please have your name and residential phone number with area code?

you: i have a question about my cell phone billing, i was actually hoping to find a contact telephone number...
you: for someone at bell
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Tasha: or by dialing *611 from your cell phone.
you: thank you kindly tasha
Tasha: You're welcome! While you're here,
Tasha: do you have a residential line with Bell you'd like to go over?
you: no, not at the moment...
Tasha: Okay no problem.
Tasha: Is there anything else I can do for you today?
you: no that's all, thanks again...
you: tasha
Tasha: You're welcome. Thanks for visiting Bell.ca, please visit us again soon!
you: actually...
Tasha: Yes?
you: where does a vegetarian wear their toe ring?
Tasha: I'm thinking....
Tasha: I give up, where?
you: on their to-fu!
Tasha: hahaha
Tasha: That's cute!
Tasha: Thanks for the laugh :-)
you: any time, have a great day
Tasha: You too!

Ray, Eh?

Leonardo Dicaprio

The Departed (2006)
The Aviator (2004)
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
Gangs of New York (2002)
Don's Plum (2001
The Beach (2000)
Celebrity (1998)
The Man in the Iron Mask (1998)
Titanic (1997)
Marvin's Room (1996)
Romeo + Juliet (1996)
Total Eclipse (1995)
The Basketball Diaries (1995)


Jamie Foxx

Ray (2004/I)
Collateral (2004)
Breakin' All the Rules (2004)
Redemption: The Stan Tookie Williams Story (2004)
Shade (2003)
Ali (2001)
Date from Hell (2001)
Bait (2000)
Any Given Sunday (1999)
Held Up (1999)
The Players Club (1998/I)
Booty Call (1997)
"The Jamie Foxx Show" (1996)
The Great White Hype (1996)
The Truth About Cats & Dogs (1996)
"C-Bear and Jamal" (1996)

-----------------------------------

I can't even verbalize right now, i'll have to update later in the week. I mean, the guy played "Bunz" in Booty Call! Shouldn't that eliminate you from Oscar consideration for, i dont know, your career?

i feel like this:


sad.

One Last Word

As we enter Oscar weekend the buzz is that Jamie Foxx is looking like a lock for Best Actor on Sunday. What a sad day it would be if the second best comic to come from the great insititution that was Living Color beats Leo for the statuette. What am I saying? Bite my turbulent tongue! I don't know what came over me to speak so darkly, so pessimistically about my Leo. Aargh! That was so not like me! Not fetch at all. Of course Leo is going to win, the stars are aligned! The O.C finally got itself back on track last night, Shaq's knee injury ain't so bad, and i think I actually bought the coolest shoes ever made at lunch today:


Believe it.

So everything's coming up roses! Leo can't miss! So stop all the playa hating and keep your fingers crossed on Sunday, when Leo will become, truly, the King of the World!

Out to Lunch

Yo man you're out to lunch
because your bum bum's out to lunch
you're out to lunch
like that punk-ass Cap'n crunch
you so crazy
like you totally out to lunch
you hungry? missed brunch?
OUT TO LUNCH!

What's up lunch?
what's up bum-bum?
what's up with your bum-bum?
TOTALLY OUT TO LUNCH!

what's up with your towel's
what's up with your dictionary
what's up with your pictionary
TOTALLY OUT TO LUNCH!

get back down to earth, with yo' crazy bunnsies
get over here and straighten up, you look home-less
TOTALLY OUT TO LUNCH!

10 Things I Hate About Russell Crowe

New Joke!
Q: Who hates Russell Crowe?
A: Everyone on the earth even the animals and the plants and the molecules!


Jackass.

How is it that Russell Crowe is even famous? Really, if you took a vote of everyone on earth they would all agree on three things:

1. Russell Crowe should not be famous.
2. It is questionable whether or not Russell Crowe should even be alive.
3. Leo Dicaprio should be dipped in gold and covered in diamonds.

And so, blog-heads, I give you my list of 10 Things I Hate About Russell Crowe:



Number 1. He is Australian...

Like this guy...

...and this guy...

...And this guy.



Number 2.

His band, “30 Odd Foot of Grunts”, originally toured under the name “The Singer’s the Guy who Boffed Meg Ryan”.

Number 3.

Believing himself to be “old-school” (on account of his appearance in Cinderella Man) he drives a car with no headlamps.

Number 4.

When someone coughs he says “Robitussin”, and claims he's being 'subversive'.

Number 5.

After taking violin lessons in preparation for his role in “Master and Commander: Far Side of the World” he went on to write 8 songs for his band featuring violin or cello, one of which was named “The Weeping Strings of Catalonia”.

Number 6.

Refers to his dandruff as “God’s breakfast”.

Number 7.

Claims the idea for Major League Baseball’s divisional realignment and wildcard format was his.

Number 8.

Can’t pronounce “pantyhose”, and yet he wears them to bed.

Number 9.

Changed the name of his street in Australia to “Raw Silk Rowe”.

Number 10.

Still tells the “rubber balls and liquor” joke at cocktail parties.

And just for good measure, we'll make it 11:

A turn of your head says
I've met you before,
You say that's not possible
But I could have sworn,
That I asked you the difference
Between sensuous and sexy,
You said “I know who you are”,
That kind of perplexed me.

- 30 Odd Foot of Grunts
“Inside her Eyes”



Boy, me and Leo suuuure hate Russell Crowe, don't we Leo?

LEO: I love you Marty.
ME: I know Leo, I know.

C'mon Baby, Do The Twist!

Well well. Quite the beating I took over the whole Pauly Shore thing. Fair enough I suppose, Pauly’s subtle genius is obviously not for everyone/stupid people. But you know what is? TONGUE TWISTERS!

I want everyone to have fun with these, but I also want you to be careful. The last thing I would want would be you dudes ending up with a broken tongue and trying to sue the fanhome.

That would not be very “fetch”.



LET'S GET IT ON!



”The detective’s directive’s elective’s defective”.
- the case of the cloned Kleenex. Difficulty: 5/10. Just getting you warmed up.


“Dwayne Wayne’s plain refrain? - No pain, no gain, no mane? Rogaine!”
-Challenging AND inspirational. 7/10.


“Pucker for a bucker sucker puck a licker dicker fucker”
- that one is for adults. Expert adults! 8/10!


“Britney’s shit knee smells like chutney!”
-a little less challenging, though truthful. 6/10.


How about a quick break before we get into the really tough ones?


I like to do this little exercise to loosen up the tongue for some more twisting, say it with me:

“la la loo loo
pee pee poo poo
piss pot piss pot
poo poo poo”

Feel better? More mature? Good, cause now it’s time to get serious…


“Bent and dented residents spent rented cents on repented demented gents”.
-Snap, word to mother! 9/10



“Skittles make little dumpy spittle monkeys grumpy”
-aw shit, I just broke ya cheekbone! 9/10.


And finally:

“Two booze sips on a cruise ship’s crew’s trip. Bar-tip? Parsnip. Tip Jip = Bruised lips ooze drips. Blood Flood Boat Trip!”
-that is a 10/10. if you can actually say that one you might be a serpent.



Have a great weekend everybody! Say “hi” to the tongue-tician for me as he untangles your twisted yap trap!

The Fake Julie

fake_julie,
originally uploaded by Leonardo Dicaprio.

Check this out! For everyone who has had the pleasure to meet my girlfriend, doen't the chick in the red coat look like her! And the real Julie has a red coat! And she snowboards! I am starting to think Julie may have a secret life as a Abercrombie model. Hmmmmm, secrets...